The Dogs of War: Regarding The Clone Wars

At first I was going to keep this strictly live-action but the completionist in me knew that there was this animated movie that got a wide theatrical release in August 2008 that nobody gave a shit about; the only Star Wars film not to hit even $70 million at the worldwide box office (Though, with a production budget of $8 million, still technically a success). So, with reluctance and trepidation, I decided to include it on the lineup.

Why all the dragging my heels on this? Isn't the animated series that spun out of this critically acclaimed?

Yeah, the show is fine; some of the best material to come out of the prequel era actually. It's just that this movie completely fucking sucks.
The Phantom Menace is the worst live action Star Wars movie. Done deal, no debate. The Clone Wars is the worst Star Wars movie. Not quite the worst Star Wars thing. The holiday special still holds that distinction. The sizzle reel from Star Wars Detours takes second place; the planned animated comedy series quietly cancelled after its announcement because the preview was so fucking bad. The Clone Wars is the worst Star Wars movie to ever get a wide theatrical release with its whopping 19% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. There are moments when I'm watching this movie where I start to ask myself if I even like Star Wars anymore. There are moments when I'm writing this reflecting on it all where I start to ask myself if I even like Star Wars anymore. I think I do?
No. No, I don't.
Taking place shortly after the end of Attack of the Clones, the only animated Star Wars movie has Anakin Skywalker reluctantly take on an apprentice shortly after becoming a full-fledged Jedi Knight and, along with Obi-Wan, goes on to fight the Separatists across the galaxy. Hutts are involved for reason. Samuel L. Jackson and Christopher Lee come back to voice Mace Windu and Count Dooku. Shit gets blown up. Anakin learns the power of friendship. Look, I fucking tried.
I will say the animation quality is pretty good for The Clone Wars but is it any better than the series that followed? No. This is all a glorified cash-grab with George Lucas deciding to weave several episodes together to form the narrative; if the story feels disjointed and episodic, it literally was originally intended that way. Matt Lanter's work voicing Anakin somehow manages to inject more charisma and emotion in the character than Hayden Christensen ever did which kinda proves the problems with the character aren't entirely because of the script. Anakin's apprentice Ashoka Tano is a great addition to the Star Wars mythos...because of the TV show.
But that's it.

Fuck this movie, on to The Force Awakens.

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